Years ago, I remember hearing advice that the best way to strengthen a relationship is to give to that relationship. To feel more invested in something, you give.
It almost sounds counter intuitive. I should feel more invested in a relationship that I give to?
But it’s true, when you give, you strengthen the bond. If someone buys me a present, I feel appreciation to them. But from the givers perspective, this gift increases their investment in the relationship.
Speaking on marriage, Rabbi Akiva Tatz:
“Eventually their relationship can grow to such a point where each one ‘receives’ such satisfaction in “giving” to the other, that they ‘receive’ more from their “giving” even more than their actual receiving.
– R. Akiva Tatz on building lasting relationships
The more you give, the more you strengthen your connection to that individual.
Yes, I’d Love a Drink
In one of my early jobs, my manager told me, whenever you go into a presentation, if they offer you a drink, ALWAYS say “yes, I’d love a glass of water”, and if they don’t ask them for a glass of water. Subconsciously, you are allowing them to invest in their relationship with you. When they get you that glass of water, it’s a ripple affect and they will want to do more, like hopefully buy $500 worth of kitchen cutlery.
Why? For this exact reason.
Force them to invest.
Investing Sweat Equity
Anything that is worth something, you should be willing to dive in and give it your all. I remember, in 2008, fresh out of college, economy turned to crap from the housing crisis, and here I was, no clue what to do. Twitter was brand new, in fact, marketing on social media was relatively new, and they sure didn’t teach that in university at the time. So I ran an ethernet cable to the boiler room or my parents house, set up a small folding table, and “played” on Twitter for a couple weeks.
My family berated me, made fun of me, told me I was wasting my time and goofing around (I wrote about that in one of my early blog posts). And yet, this is how I get my first job in marketing.
Sweat equity.
Eaten Car Seat and Puppy Love
A year ago to the day, we got our dog Maggie and together we joined the Israel Dog Unit, a search and rescue civilian unit helping across the country locating missing people (more on that another time). The investment both my wife and I made into this dog was huge, and is probably why we feel so connected to her.
Forget the amount of time I put into daily training, at horrible hours, bonding with her and even having her eat my car seat. That’s my investment and what connects me to my dog.
But when she was 8 weeks old, 2 days after we got her my wife sent me a message saying “I think we have a sick puppy”….
My wife, bless her compassionate soul, at 7 months pregnant, decided that this couldn’t wait, and rushed Maggie to the vet.
She had Parvo. And if not for my wife’s quick thinking, Maggie would have died.
And this dog loves my wife, but I know, and I have seen it, my wife loves her too. I believe it was from this experience.
Put your All Into Everything
Why am I writing this now? Because sometimes I need some motivation too!
Someone asked me to send the picture of the car seat that Maggie ate, so it was top of mind. And then I started thinking about relationships, investing in career, and personal growth. Mostly about the dog, but all that stuff too.
The moral of these stories are a change in mindset. We don’t love our kids more because they did something nice for us. We love them more because we do so much for them. Be it work, family, dog training, or gardening, we reap what we sow, and the more we invest in something, the more meaningful it becomes to us.