Why do we feel the need to share? Well, maybe not we but me. I speak for myself. Why do I feel the need to share with others?
Social media hits us in a complicated way where we now have the means to share something important in our life with hundreds or even thousands of people with the click of a button. Things that 15 years ago, you’d have to wait to see the person or find a way to keep in touch via mail or email, which is not an easy task, and frankly probably wouldn’t happen. I still marvel at the fact that I am in touch with some people that I had a happen stance crossing with at some point in life, or a childhood friend who moved away at a young age.
This is why I personally feel the compulsion to share. Because what I described is truly remarkable! I want people to share in my joys, and my successes. I want my friends and family to know whats going on in my life with my family and if I can’t see every single one of them in person, well a simple like on their end reminds me that they care even though I couldn’t tell them in person.
The trouble is, it’s a lie.
The Addiction of Lying
It’s not on purpose and I don’t believe we are intentionally doing this. But ask yourself a simple question:
Are you addicted to social me…
Actually, let me try that again.
Are you addicted to sharing only positive things in your life on social media and don’t realize the repercussions or the perception you leave with everyone connected to you? Or better yet, are you living two lives? One in the digital sphere where everything is peachy and rosy and your real life opinions are shielded to the general public? Or the opposite. Do you shield your opinions from those closest to you in real life, but act like a completely different person in the digital world because you can hide in the shadows behind your screen?
I am sure you do to some extent. We all do. I spoke about “Fakebooking” in this post a bit, but something happened and made me think more about it.
Public welcome. Quiet goodbye.
When we adopted a puppy, Kodi, I was very quick (well, after a couple weeks) to share with the world that we just adopted a rescue puppy. And I had no issue posting about him when he did something cute with the kids, or when I was proud of the progress we were making with training.
But what I did not share is that we made the excruciating decision to give him away (the whole reason why is here, its really long, and deserves it’s own space).
Bottom line, i’d classify it as one of the top 5 absolute worst things I have ever had to do in my life.
And I literally could not bring myself to share this online for so many reasons.
Embarrassment.
Shame.
Uncertainty.
Confrontation. (I know there are people who fundamentally won’t and don’t agree with me). That’s ok, I expect not everyone always agrees with me. But I don’t need to start a riot about it. And I certainly don’t need to feel worse about it than I do. And it hurts a lot so don’t think I made this decision lightly. I gave my all to this puppy and it broke my heart to do this.
What is the psychology of why do we share the way we share?
Probably for support about decisions we make. I certainly want support for the decision I made. I want to help of the internet, of my friends, of the people I rely on for encouragement to tell me that I made a good decision. That it was justified.
When I know I will get that, or at least think very strongly I will get that, then I guess that’s my cue to share.
When I don’t, well, I don’t want that kind of negativity in my life.
I assume it goes much deeper than I claim to understand, but I venture to guess that it has to do with us feeling confident in our decisions. reinforcing our good behaviors and successes. If I am proud of something, surely everyone else will be, and that will make me feel even better about what I have done.
But the hard decisions in our life, the ones we are NOT horribly confident in, I want (need) reassurance in this choice. I NEED back up. I need to know that this was not a mistake. Posting this online will complicate that choice for us. And in these fragile times, that complications will do no good.
Putting yourself online is more vulnerable than IRL
The things we put online today can come to haunt us tomorrow, or weeks, or even years from now. Whenever you post something, you are making a statement that this is you. “Everyone come see the awesome thing I did”. Walking back from that, is uncomfortable. Acknowledging you failed after you got so much praise for something, that is a dreadful feeling.
And you wonder, “can I just delete the old post? Maybe no one will remember?” But that feels insulting to the original subject of the post. At the time it was something you were proud of. Now, well, “I still was (am) but something went wrong. I just want this to go away.”
These are feelings everyone goes through, and sure, this kind of communication is as personal as it gets… well, without getting actually personal. It’s opening up and putting a piece of something that you want justified and vindicated.
Which is easy when you are proud of your decision.
But then there are the tough choices. The things that needed to be be done, but you don’t feel proud of.
Layers of ourselves
Maybe we are not supposed to be totally real online. Maybe that’s just a top layer of our relationships. Will anyone notice that I have a different dog in my life? I don’t know. Maybe. Will they know what to say if they do notice, or just wonder forever. Or maybe they won’t even care.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. But I think a Facebook post is worth an untold amount of conversation, and thoughts and decisions about what is going on in that persons life, what led to this moment, and words that they are simply not willing or able to share.
And maybe the answer is, these things are not for everyone. They are for the people you want to share with outside of the post.
But if you feel close enough to someone, send them a message, and make sure they are alright. Ask them to share. They might really want to but not know how to publicly.
Because online, what you see is absolutely not what you get.
Blogging Challenge status: This took a lot out of me, but got me excited about blogging again. 6 out of 12. 6 to go.