To say that the Corona Virus situation hasn’t thrown the world for a whirl is obviously a gross understatement. And while my personal employment situation is yet to be back on track (here’s to hoping), there have also been some of the biggest silver linings which I couldn’t possibly have ever imagined and I feel so thankful for them.
Because during the weirdest crisis our society has ever faced, I started one of the most rewarding projects I have ever taken upon myself in my life.
I taught my kids.
Live by the schedule or enjoy the chaos
Lets take a step back to March 15th 2020. School for the kids is now officially cancelled. Lockdown has just begun and no one has any idea what is about to happen.
It’s chaos.
What we soon realized is that this means everything is shut down. No anything anymore. No social contact, no school, no bike rides, no shabbat afternoon get togethers with friends… nothing.
This is a 180 degree shift in our daily routine, which is stressful.
I am usually a pretty organized person and by that I mean my calendar rules my life. I stress at chaos. I need a plan. And my family needs a schedule. And the first thing all my friends on social media were doing was making a schedule.
So I made a schedule… well, attempted to make one.
Have you ever made a schedule for 5 people?
Making a schedule for 5 kids of various ages is no simple task. Not in the slightest.
Day one did not go so well.
We tried other things like writing out custom schedules for each kid
And I even bought a whiteboard and hung it in the kitchen to keep us organized.
But nothing was working. I was stressing. Ariella and I were fighting. It was the start of a real disaster and I would try to take every possible opportunity to escape, just get out with the dog, and get away.
Everything just happened so fast with the lockdown, and since Ariella’s job as a nurse was considered essential, I was left at home with the kids, which until now was unheard of. My wife has ALWAYS been the driving force of our household and I would likely have been classified as a bedtime father. Not that I am useless at home, but the majority of the home responsibility fell on her. She made the decisions about the kids schedule, what happens when, all logistics… the woman is in more whatsapp groups than I can comprehend. I was there to fix things that broke, read the kids a book before bed, and play with them on the weekend and fulfill my fatherly obligations (which is an over-exageration, but probably not that far off).
Now the tables have turned and it was all about to fall on me.
But there was no choice.
במקום שאין אנשים, השתדל להיות איש
In a place where there is no man, be the man”
Pirkei Avot 2:5
Needless to say the first week was not the smoothest. With the age spans ranging from 6 month old to 12 year old there was no way I was ever going to properly educate all of them independently.
The Lockdown Awakening
A few things happened that sort of woke me up
I lost my job
Until now, I was working around the clock, and the idea of working and watching the kids was a nightmare that many parents had to deal with. And I had to deal with.
That is until I got let go.
And you know what, all of a sudden I was blessed with clear head-space. I didn’t have to worry about meetings, and calls, and deadlines. I just had to be there for my kids. And while it sucks to be unemployed at a time like this, there was something freeing about it.
I was given the gift of perspective, and I intended to take advantage of it.
The Kids and Maggie
Anyone who has read my old posts might know the story of our previous dog who bit someone. Well, our new dog, Maggie, isn’t like your normal dog. She is a working dog with a lot of energy, and until now, I have been a bit overprotective for fear that we will have a repeat situation.
But the kids insisted, I let my guard down, and they all played in the backyard, and when my 2 year old bent down to grab a ball from the dog’s mouth, my heart skipped a beat…
but nothing happened.
In fact, the dog backed away waiting for instructions on what to do next.
(video of Raaya and maggie)
And the other kids, they just started to love her, and cuddle on the couch, and play so nicely with her.
The First Shabbat in Quarantine.
This was by far, one of the weirder things because every week on Shabbat, we send the kids out to play. Where I live, they have pretty much unlimited freedom. There are no cars on the roads, their friends are out riding scooters through the streets, they come to get popsicles when they get hot, and then run off again for more.
That no longer existed and they were confined to the house, the entire time.
And something odd happened. We started to enjoy that time. We prayed out loud together, we ate meals without rushing out to see friends, we played games and I even taught them some new ones. It started to be… fun.
It started to feel like there is something perplexingly magical to this lockdown. These are my curious, imaginative, quirky and fun kids. And if they are anything like me, then why can’t I find a way to connect to them?
And so I did.
Shortly after that Shabbat, I gave up on having a fully structured day, and took a serious chill pill.
The New Goal: 1 lesson a day
This was the new goal. 1 lesson a day or 1 project. It would be something that I was excited enough about, that they could feed off my enjoyment. Every day had a lesson and some kind of activity. And I really started to enjoy them.
Eventually we got into a real routine. The baby would go to sleep at about 9:30 and by that time the rest of the kids would have prayed, eaten and sometime even gotten dressed into real clothing.
Sometimes not.
And then we would begin.
We did lot’s of science projects, baking, outdoors, fitness, dog training (of course), arts and crafts. I need to find a good way to catalog them, but until that time, enjoy this gallery of images from our lessons.
(Update: since writing this post, I actually made a video of all the lessons… enjoy!)
What I Learned About Myself
All those fears that I had, started to go away and I started to take charge. I started to be the one running the household, keeping things in order, cooking, scheduling, cleaning… (lol, maybe not that last one) but the responsibilities around the home were mine. This was a paradigm shift for me.
What started off as an absolute fiasco turned out to be a true once in a life time opportunity for me. I got to watch my kids grow up for the fist real time in my life, in the strangest conditions ever. And I learned the subtle differences about each one of them, their individual quirks and needs. I learned to communicate with each one of them in the way they need.
חנוך לנער על פי דרכו
Educate a child according to their ways”
Proverbs 22:6
I watched them (and me) grow from this forced attention that I never gave them until now, because I couldn’t didn’t know how… or whatever the reason was.
Normal Will Never Be The Same
As of May 18th 2020, lockdown is ending. The kids are going back to school and have already started, and it feels kind of bittersweet for me.
Kind of… empty.
Don’t get me wrong, this was a crazy experience and we all had our moments, some better than others. (Real talk disclaimer: I don’t want there to be any misrepresentation that I am some kind of Mother Teresa over here. I assure you, while I paint a nice rosy picture here, there was plenty of screaming, and yelling, and punishments, and all that jazz. I am far from perfect, so to anyone reading this and possibly judging themselves for being hard on your kids, don’t be… you’re not alone, I promise.)
But anyway, the point is, we have changed. I have changed. We are not the same family leaving lockdown that went in. And today I am a better man because of this bizarre experience.
The realities of the job market are starting to hit me, the world is crazy with restrictions which still make it hard to function. But perhaps the most significant change is that I am going to really miss those moments with the kids.
And I will cherish that time, forever.